Full disclosure…

So, full disclosure: I may be going through the stage of anger right now, as I grieve my mother. Truly, I am in the perfect storm — grieving my mother, the pandemic and my father moving.

I think this is important to share, as many people go through it differently, but it can feel like shit. I don’t consider myself an angry person, but it has come over me like a tsunami. I can’t control it. My skin is actually crawling.

Everything is making me angry. The new washer not working the other night almost put me over the edge. So what did I do? I cleaned. I started over-functioning. At the time, it seemed better than the alternative, which was to take it out on somebody (which I probably had already done — ugh, bad mothering moment).

I feel appreciative that I have the support in my work to be able to recognize what is happening, experience the emotion, be gentle and then go to bed. No, seriously, this grief thing is powerful! Sometimes, in the middle of the day, my body shuts down, and I just need to go to sleep or lie on my bathroom floor (great place to grieve privately) — no choice.